Tag Archives: Humor

The Sneeze

Standard

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.

Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.

This class would NOT pray during the commencements – not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.

The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.

The speeches were nice, but they were routine … until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!!!

The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said, “GOD BLESS YOU, each and every one of you!” And he walked off stage …

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God’s blessing on their future with or without the court’s approval.

This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland.

Advertisements

God Created Teachers

Standard

Author Unknown

On the 6th day, God created men and women. On the 7th day, he rested. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day. For it was on that day – the 8th day – that God created the FIRST TEACHER.

This TEACHER, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications. In general, God made the TEACHER more durable than other men and women. The TEACHER was made to arise at a very early hour and to go to bed no earlier than 11:30 PM with no rest in between.

The TEACHER had to be able to withstand being locked up in an air-tight classroom for six hours with thirty-five “monsters” on a rainy Monday. And the TEACHER had to be fit to correct 103 papers over Easter vacation. Yes, God made the TEACHER tough… but gentle, too. The TEACHER was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student… those of the sixteen-year old girl who was not asked to the prom.

And into the TEACHER God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the TEACHER has just repeated for someone else. Patience when the kids forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Patience when one-third of the class fails the test. Patience when the text books haven’t arrived yet, and the semester starts tomorrow.

And God gave the TEACHER a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart. For the Teacher’s heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, “I hate this class – it’s boring!” and to love the kid who runs out of the classroom at the end of the period without so much as a “goodbye,” let alone a “thank you.”

And lastly, God gave the TEACHER an abundant supply of HOPE. For God knew that the TEACHER would always be hoping. Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell… hoping not to have lunchroom duty… hoping that Friday would come… hoping for a free day… hoping for deliverance.

When God finished creating the TEACHER, he stepped back and admired the work of His hands. And God saw that the TEACHER was good. Very Good! And God smiled, for when he looked at the TEACHER, he saw into the future.

He knew that the future is in the hands of the TEACHERS. And because God loves TEACHERS so much… on the 9th day God created… SNOW DAYS!

Passed Around By Man But Not Passed Over By God- Chapter 4

Standard
IMG_0728

At school I was to be rewarded for good conduct and good penmanship and Ms. Johnson had just placed more gadgets on the prize board. On that board was a gorgeous gold charm bracelet that I wanted so badly, but on this particular week I was not the only one to be rewarded. It was another female student and I who the teacher called to the front of the class to choose our prize. As I was reaching for that charm bracelet, this trick had the nerve to snatch it from the board.

Before I knew it, I was shouting in that girl’s face about my bracelet and how she’d better give it up or else. I was so outraged that I began crying. Ms. Johnson tried to reassure me and I can still see her giving that girl the look of disappointment, but I was still pissed. The teacher asked me to be a good sport and choose another gift. She pointed out a “pearl” necklace that I definitely did not want. I took those pearls and as I was walking back to my seat, I gave that girl the “I will see you at 3:15” look.

When school was over, I went into the basement at home and in a rage broke those pearls from the string and dropped them all on the laundry side of the basement floor. While I was in the sitting area of the other side of the basement, Rose came down to do some laundry and had not yet flicked on the light switch.

The next thing I heard was a loud bang and a whole lot of cuss words coming from Rose’s mouth. I got up to see what all the commotion was about and there laying on the floor was no other than Rose. She had slipped on those pearls! Before I knew it, I was laughing at her fat behind trying to get off that floor. She looked up at me, declaring she was going to get me for what I have done and she did. That beating, as I expected, was painful but it was well worth it that day.

Otherwise, like clockwork, I went from my bedroom to school to chores to the basement and then bed. That was my daily life in her house. Rose had me completely afraid of her. When my mother was able to call us on the phone, Rose would be on another phone listening in on our conversations to make sure I would not tell my mother about all the horrible things she was doing to Raffeal and me.

Ms. Irving would stop by for her monthly check-ups and would ask us how everything was going with the living arrangements. I would make sure Raffeal didn’t get a chance to say anything because he would have told the truth about everything and I did not want to make matters worse while living under Rose’s roof. So I lied with a smile on my face. The beatings that we sustained were not nearly half of the abuse we tolerated. This woman was more wicked than the wicked witch from Oz.

The woman who took joy from beating me was the same woman who went to church on Sundays. Yes, she went to church, but like my pastor says, “the devil goes to church too and his name was Rose.”

We never kept attending one church; it was always a different church. She was what you call a “church hopper” who just bounced from one church to another one. I am telling you, that woman would get up there at the altar and get the Holy Ghost, shouting, jumping and praising God. I think it was God, though there was no telling with her. How can you be a hell raiser through the week and a Christian on Sunday? I would just fall asleep and hope when I woke up that church and all her shenanigans would be over.

Then one day the senseless female went brand new on us. My brother and I were used to being able to eat at the wooden kitchen table but things changed when she splurged on a brand new glass dinette set. I must admit this table was stunning like a clear shining diamond and Rose made sure we were not eating at this new table.

When Rose called us to dinner, it was the worst thing ever — a plate of damn beans. I am sorry to sound all bourgeois, but I did not know about this so-called entrée until I started living in foster homes because Ms. Brown did not eat or like beans. Anyway, we tried to sit at that new table of hers and got a reality check very fast. She told us with a serious look on her face that we could not eat at her table. My brother and I looked at each other like what the hell is she talking about? So we asked, “Where we going to eat then?” She said, “Over there on the floor.”

Now let me give you a description of this area where she now wanted us to eat. There was a small step down from the kitchen that led either to the right and the back door or to the left and the bathroom. Right in the middle part of this area was the place where her big old dogs would eat their food. It looked like Rose had downgraded us from being humans to being her new pet puppies.

If you think this was bad, matters were made worse when she would deliberately have those dogs eat their meals at the same time we were eating our food. Many nights we did not get the chance to eat our food because the dogs would eat it and there were desperate times when we ate our food while the dogs were eating from our plates. Rose would just watch this madness happening as she sat at her beautiful table.
Passed Around By Man But Not Passed Over By God  Chontate Brown Copyright ©2013 All rights reserved.

The Barbie Dolls

Standard

thCAN445AA

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager “How much is that new Barbie in the window?”

The Manager replied, “Which one? We have, ‘Barbie goes to the gym’for $19.95 …

‘Barbie goes to the Ball’ for $19.95 …

‘Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 …

‘Barbie goes to the beach’ for $19.95…

‘Barbie goes to the Nightclub’ for $19.95 …

and ‘Divorced Barbie’ for $375.00.”

“Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?” Dad asked surprised.

“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s House, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s furniture.”

 

 

Scientology vs. God

Standard

Mad Scientist

God is sitting in heaven when a scientist says to Him… “God, we don’t need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing – in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning.”

“Oh, is that so? Tell Me,” replies God.

“Well,” says the scientist, “we can take plain dirt and form it into the likeness of you, and breathe life into it, thus creating man.”

“Well, that’s very interesting… show me, ” says God.

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man.

“No, no, no…” interrupts God, “Get your own dirt.”

~Author Unknown

Thank you!

Love Always,
Chontate Brown
Inspirational Diva

Passed Around By Man But Not Passed Over By God- Cont.

Standard

Chicago%20Police%20Car

The police came and next thing we knew we were over at my aunt’s house, still trying to figure out what had happened between our parents. Clarence went to jail and I remember my mother had a red blister on her bottom lip from when she shot the weapon the first time.

The story later told to me by my mother is that she had stayed overnight at a girlfriend’s house, but never called to let my father know her whereabouts or what time she would be home. It was 8:00 in the morning when she got her behind back to the house and Clarence had been up worrying and drinking (a 12 pack of beer among other things). I must remind you he was 15 years older than my mother and you can say she was still young minded. He asked where she had been all night and when she tried to explain, he knocked her down and slapped her. Therefore, she planned how she was going to shoot him and how she was going to get away with shooting him.

The happy, good old days were over. My parents separated for the time being and Vivian was back to being a single mother caring for three children on her own. I believe I was in kindergarten by then. We moved to an apartment back on Sawyer Street and living in this apartment was no picnic in the park. The place was dark and gloomy. It seemed like the sun went on a long vacation. Our daddy Clarence was not in our presence anymore. When was he coming back? There were no more awesome toys for us to play with and nothing to sing or dance about anymore. Times got hard for our family. We went from eating eight course meals to just eating a plate of beans.

My mother cooked black-eyed peas for dinner one day with sliced luncheon meat. I got the picture that we were no longer living like the Jefferson’s, but I drew the line when it came to eating this meal. The devil was a liar. I was not eating those beans. They not only looked nasty, but they didn’t smell good either. My mother was mad and was threatening to beat my ass if I didn’t eat my food. Well, let me say that after sitting at the table not willing to eat that mess called dinner, I took my ass whooping like a champion.

Sadly, my mother was back on public assistance trying to make ends meet, but the ends were not meeting because our family was evicted from that apartment. My mother never told us about her financial situation or gave us notice that we might end up on the streets. The eviction people came and put the little stuff that we had right out on the sidewalk. I cannot imagine what was going through her mind while watching all this happening. She didn’t show any emotion or concern. She was not screaming or yelling at anyone, she just stood there quietly. She grabbed a few of our things and we walked up the street to one of her friend’s house.

The next thing we knew, we were staying at the Salvation Army. There we shared one room with two beds and one bathroom, with another family. The place was not as bad as it may sound. Hey, at least we were not on the streets or staying with anybody else. They fed us three meals a day and even had activities for us children. They contributed clothes and shoes to us, and though they were not new or what we were used to we did not complain since we did not have anything. Everyone seemed pleasant and welcomed us into the establishment. I learned that poor was not only for black folks because there were some white people living there too. I cannot say if I ever cried or questioned my mother about what was going on. My brothers and I were considered good children and we didn’t complain or throw tantrums because Ms. Brown was not someone on whose bad side you wanted to be. We were very obedient kids.

Regardless of what the circumstances may have been, Clarence and Vivian were outstanding parents.

During our stay at the Salvation Army we began to go to church. I remember I always sat in the front row, because they gave away old-fashioned dolls to the little girls. I believe I collected about three of these dolls. They were so dazzling with big Shirley Temple curls, pretty blue or brown eyes that blinked and very pretty dresses, too. I would sit them on top of the shelf in our room. Even as we lived at the Salvation Army, I did not have the sense of feeling poor or less fortunate.

After a season at the shelter, Vivian was able to obtain public assistance and our single mother moved us into the Stateway Gardens projects on the south side of Chicago. It was at this point in our lives that I remember everything going downhill.

Passed Around By Man But Not Passed Over By God  Chontate Brown Copyright ©2013 All rights reserved.

Inspirational Diva

Standard

untitled-23-7_pp (3)
Hello,
This is Chontate Brown, Founder/CEO of House of D.I.V.A.S., foundation and would like to thank you in advance for my Liking my page. I am asking you if it is not an inconvenience to you if you can also Like my new page “Passed Around By Man But Not Passed Over By God” I am an inspiring Author/Writer and I will be sharing Inspirational stories, messages, quotes, poetry, and most of all every Friday, I will be ping chapters of my unpublished book titled above. I would truly appreciate your time and please share my page and share your comments and thoughts on my page.

Thank you,
Author Chontate Brown
Inspirational Diva
http://www.facebook.com/AuthorChontateBrown