Tag Archives: Laugh

The Sneeze

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They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.

Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.

This class would NOT pray during the commencements – not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.

The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.

The speeches were nice, but they were routine … until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!!!

The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said, “GOD BLESS YOU, each and every one of you!” And he walked off stage …

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God’s blessing on their future with or without the court’s approval.

This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland.

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Jesus Christ Resume

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Author Unknown

Address: Ephesians 1:20

Phone: Romans 10:13

Website: The Bible

Keywords: Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior

My name is Jesus – The Christ.  Many call me Lord!  I’ve sent you my resume because I’m seeking the top management position in your heart.  Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.

Qualifications:

• I founded the earth and established the heavens (see Proverbs 3:19).

• I formed man from the dust of the ground (see Genesis 2:7).

• I breathed into man the breath of life (see Genesis 2:7).

• I redeemed man from the curse of the law (see Galatians 3:13).

• The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me (see Galatians 3:14).

Occupational Background:

• I’ve only had one employer (see Luke 2:49).

• I’ve never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.

• My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me (see Matthew 3:15-17).

Skills & Work Experiences:

• Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised (see Luke 4:18).

• I am a Wonderful Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6). People who Listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil (see Proverbs 1:33).

• Most importantly, I have the authority, ability & power to cleanse you of your sins (see I John 1:7-9)

Educational Background:

• I encompass the entire breadth & length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding (see Proverbs 2:6).

• In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (see Colossians 2:3).

• My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path (see Psalms 119:105).

• I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart (see Psalms 44:21).

Major Accomplishments:

• I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times (see Genesis 1:26).

• I laid down my life so that you may live (see II Corinthians 5:15).

• I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind & made a show of them openly (see Colossians 2:15).

• I’ve miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!

• There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot – the BIBLE. You don’t need an Internet connection or computer to access my website.

References:

• Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

In Summation:

Now that you’ve read my resume, I’m confident that I’m the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart. In summation, I will properly direct your paths (see Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life (see John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence (see Hebrews 3:15).

Teach Me To Forgive

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 Author unknown

One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.

His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.

Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there, and with  tears in his eyes, he prayed
“Lord – You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed.
Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don’t know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn’t deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn’t have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don’t know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do – Teach me To Forgive.”

As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them. He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head.

Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man’s tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.
“Have you ever told a lie, He asked?” The man answered, “Yes, Lord.”
“Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?” The man answered, “Yes, Lord.” And the man sobbed more and more.
“Have you ever taken something from work that wasn’t yours,” Jesus asked? And the man answered, “Yes, Lord.”
“Have you ever sworn, using my Father’s name in vain?” The man, crying now, answered, “Yes, Lord.”
As Jesus asked many more times, “Have you ever”? The man’s crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer, “Yes, Lord.”

Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before. Jesus said, “I didn’t deserve this either, but I forgive you.”

It may be hard to see how you’re going to get through something. But, when  you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is…   “If God brings you to it… He will bring you through it.”

Passed Around By God But Not Passed Over By God-Chapter 9

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After a few months of living in our new foster home, people began to show their true colors. Sherita and Marcus were the troublemakers of the household and Sherita was the leader. Sherita and her brother would do bad things then blame them on Raffeal and me, but mostly me. Sherita was a compulsive liar. Everything that came out of her mouth was lie and she actually believed she was telling the truth.

The first of her devious acts happened one day when we were all sitting in the living room. It was Raffeal, Marcus, Pauline, me and, of course, Sherita. Big Momma or any other adults, to my knowledge, were not there. Melanie was left in charge but she was off in her own little world. Sherita and Marcus decided they wanted to play with fire using a lighter they had found around the house. The strange thing was that I do not know whose it could have been because nobody in the house was a smoker.

They first lit paper and then it was whatever they could set on fire. I can remember this day so well because I was standing in the dining room, which was Big Momma’s room too, when they asked Raffeal if they could light the strings hanging from the legs of his cut-off blue jean shorts I don’t think he understood what they were asking him and I couldn’t believe they were serious. Before I knew it, they had set fire to one of those strings and in an instant that one thin string combusted into a big flame. My baby brother was screaming and hopping around trying to put the fire out and they were laughing at him, so I ran over to rescue him.

Luckily, he did not suffer from any burns. From that day on I hated every one of them. Sherita made us vow not to say anything about this day, but she forgot that her four-year-old sister Pauline was present when it happened.

A couple weeks later, Sherita, Pauline and I were sitting in their mother Esther’s room Pauline was chattering like any other four year old and told her mother what happened that day, not  knowing she was about to get her siblings into trouble. When Pauline finished telling the story, Esther got angry, looked at Sherita and said, “Y’all did what?” Sherita had the nerve to lie with a straight face and say I was the one who did the terrible thing to my own brother.

Before I could state my case, Esther had slapped the taste out of my mouth. I could only sit there holding my face in disbelief that this girl had just told a boldfaced lie on me and her mother believed her over me.

Another time Sherita was again playing with matches. I guess this crazy child just loved playing with fire. She was burning every dead hair she could find in an ashtray. Now if you have ever burned dead hair, you know it leaves behind a strange smell.

Again, no adult supervision in the house and Sherita was having her way as if she was at Burger King. Right after she went on her burning hair spree, guess who just happened to walk into the house but the adults.

Ethel was the first to come through the door and quickly realized that somebody had burned hair in the house. She asked Sherita and me who was burning hair and again this ugly girl lied and said I did it. My stupid self just stood there like a stick in the mud and didn’t even open my mouth to say anything. Ethel spanked my hand with a hard hairbrush and chastised me about playing with matches while Sherita just stood there smiling because she knew she had just gotten away with murder.

Passed Around By Man But Not Passed Over By God  Chontate Brown Copyright ©2013 All rights reserved.

Passed Around By God But Not Passed Over By God-Chapter 8

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At the tender age of seven years old, I had formed my own opinions of adults, “Do not trust them.” I was at the point in my life where I was heartbroken, my mother was locked away like a criminal and my siblings and I remained separated from each other. My mother had to hear in court about all the horrific trials that Raffeal and I had endured while in the custody of Rose. This devastating news set my mother’s recovery back, causing her to fall into depression fueled by guilt as if it was her fault we were mistreated. The caseworker managed to place my brother and me into another foster home, hoping we would regain a healthy balance of emotional stability. Yep, that did the trick!

Our new home was with an older woman who went by the name “Big Momma”. Big Momma lived in a bluish color one-level house on 58th and LaSalle. You could tell the place was somewhat old but it was decent I supposed. Our new foster mother was not big in size at all; she was somewhat tall, but not big. She had beautiful skin for her older age and beautiful, wavy, long black hair that she always wore in a ponytail. One of her eyelids was lower than the other which I learned later was due to a stroke she had once upon a time. She appeared to be a nice, caring and thoughtful person.

Finally, somebody was happy to see us and welcomed us into their home. Big Momma’s children and grandchildren were also there to greet us. They were kindly introducing themselves to my brother and me but deep down inside, I was not buying it. Two of her adult daughters, named Ethel and Esther, lived in this house. Ethel did not have any kids, but Esther had four. Their names were Melanie, Marcus, Sherita and Pauline. Now Ethel should have been called Big Momma because she was fat. Esther was not fat but if she ate a couple more pork chops, she’d have been well on her way. They gave us a tour of the place, which I must say was not something I would declare nice but it was bearable. I thought it was somewhat strange that Big Momma’s bedroom set was in the dining room.

Everybody was all smiles but me because I had too many things racing through my mind about this new foster parent, another new school and something that probably had never crossed my mind, new foster siblings. I already knew in my mind that this living arrangement was about to be very challenging.

Melanie was the oldest and seemed a bit strange to me. She did not talk much and was always off to herself. She did not cross my path and I tried not to cross hers. Marcus was the only boy among the siblings. He was short in height, brown complexioned, and hmmm… Moving forward, Sherita was what you would call a bona fide “tilt drill” meaning she had a cute shape with a big booty but an ugly face that only a mother could love. She was a light-skinned eight-year-old girl who looked like she was twelve. Sherita was not just ugly in the face but also in her ways. She was a sneaky, conniving bully. Lastly, the baby girl Pauline was a little cutie. Her head was big, but she was still cute and the same age as my baby brother, Raffeal. I shared a room with Melanie and Sherita, and Raffeal was in the room with Marcus.

Ms. Irving made sure that Big Momma had a clear understanding that the wound on my leg needed daily dressing changes. I must admit, my new foster mother was on point when it came to taking care of my wound. She did the daily dressing changes as ordered and made sure I kept my doctor’s follow-up appointments as scheduled. I hated those dressing changes because it was still painful to touch, especially when she had to pack the wet gauze into the wound. It took a strong stomach to tolerate the massive hole the dog had left in me, but she did it like a champ. For me it could be too much to handle. There were times when I thought my wound would never heal, but with the help of Big Momma that once golf-ball-sized hole eventually healed, although it left a permanent scar.

Though reluctant to feel comfortable, things seemed to be getting better for me and my brother. I was finishing the second grade at Jesse Sherwood Elementary at 245 West 57th Street, the foster mom was not torturing me and my mother was allowed more visitation rights. But not everything was what it seemed.

Passed Around By Man But Not Passed Over By God  Chontate Brown Copyright ©2013 All rights reserved.

The Invisible Letter

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Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room.  She said: “How is my little boy?  Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?”  The surgeon said, “I’m sorry.  We did all we could, but your boy didn’t make it.”  Sally said, “Why do little children get cancer?  Doesn’t God care anymore?  Where were you, God, when my son needed you?”
The surgeon asked, “Would you like some time alone with your son?  One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes,
before he’s transported to the university.”  Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said goodbye to her son.

She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.  “Would you like a lock of his hair?” the nurse asked.  Sally nodded yes.  The nurse cut a lock of the boy’s hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.  The mother said, “It was Jimmy’s idea to donate his body to the University for Study.  He said it might help somebody else.  “I said no at first, but Jimmy said, “Mom, I won’t be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.”  She went on, “My Jimmy had a heart of gold.  Always thinking of someone else.  Always wanting to help others if he could.”

Sally walked out of Children’s mercy Hospital for the last time, after
spending most of the last six months there.  She put the bag with Jimmy’s belongings on the seat beside her in the car.  The drive home was difficult.  It was even harder to enter the empty house.  She carried Jimmy’s belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son’s room.  She started placing the model cars and other personal things, back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke.  Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter.  The letter said:

Dear Mom, I know you’re going to miss me; but don’t think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just ’cause I’m not around to say I LOVE YOU.  I will always love you, Mom, even more
with each day.  Someday we will see each other again.  Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won’t be so lonely, that’s okay with me.  He can have my room, and old stuff to play with.  But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn’t like the same things us boys do.  You’ll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.

“Don’t be sad thinking about me.  This really is a neat place.  Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything.  The angels are so cool.  I love to watch them fly.  And, you know what?  Jesus doesn’t look like any of his pictures.  Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him.  Jesus himself took me to see GOD!  And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God’s knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important.  That’s when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you goodbye and everything.  But I already knew that wasn’t allowed.

“Well, you know what Mom?  God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter.  I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.  God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him – ‘Where was He when I needed him?’  God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross.  He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

“Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I’ve written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper.  Isn’t that cool? I have to give God His pen back now.  He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life.  Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I’m sure the food will be great.  Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.  I don’t hurt anymore.  The cancer is all gone.  I’m glad because I couldn’t stand that pain anymore … and God couldn’t stand to see me hurt so much, either.  That’s when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me.  The Angel said I was Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love,

God, Jesus & Me

God Created Teachers

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Author Unknown

On the 6th day, God created men and women. On the 7th day, he rested. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day. For it was on that day – the 8th day – that God created the FIRST TEACHER.

This TEACHER, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications. In general, God made the TEACHER more durable than other men and women. The TEACHER was made to arise at a very early hour and to go to bed no earlier than 11:30 PM with no rest in between.

The TEACHER had to be able to withstand being locked up in an air-tight classroom for six hours with thirty-five “monsters” on a rainy Monday. And the TEACHER had to be fit to correct 103 papers over Easter vacation. Yes, God made the TEACHER tough… but gentle, too. The TEACHER was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student… those of the sixteen-year old girl who was not asked to the prom.

And into the TEACHER God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the TEACHER has just repeated for someone else. Patience when the kids forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Patience when one-third of the class fails the test. Patience when the text books haven’t arrived yet, and the semester starts tomorrow.

And God gave the TEACHER a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart. For the Teacher’s heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, “I hate this class – it’s boring!” and to love the kid who runs out of the classroom at the end of the period without so much as a “goodbye,” let alone a “thank you.”

And lastly, God gave the TEACHER an abundant supply of HOPE. For God knew that the TEACHER would always be hoping. Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell… hoping not to have lunchroom duty… hoping that Friday would come… hoping for a free day… hoping for deliverance.

When God finished creating the TEACHER, he stepped back and admired the work of His hands. And God saw that the TEACHER was good. Very Good! And God smiled, for when he looked at the TEACHER, he saw into the future.

He knew that the future is in the hands of the TEACHERS. And because God loves TEACHERS so much… on the 9th day God created… SNOW DAYS!